Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
