He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Buhtt sex?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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