The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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