Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
