Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
