Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize