I wish they made helmets for livers.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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