im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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