Umm I'm too high to move.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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