You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
