Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
