My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
