3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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