U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
