Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
