Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
