it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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