This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
