covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
