Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
