you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Randomize
