I hate all girls vehemently.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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