i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think my moral compass just broke
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
