Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
