That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
