You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
two words: eviction party
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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