forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
All the doctor said was why
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize