remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
