you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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