I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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