Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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