My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
