Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We need to rekindle our bromance
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
