this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize