I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
