I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We're too hungover to prance.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
