Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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