2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
