I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
