Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
