Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
