That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
