So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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