She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
