I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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