12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
