i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
