just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
