he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
