so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
