Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
