Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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