I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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