you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
