Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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