I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
