did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Fuck appropriateness.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
