I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
