weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
