Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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