my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
