And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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