It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
