Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize