Can i not drive my cunt home
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
