Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
