Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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