it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize