My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize