So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
