They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
